Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
