I feel great
I just peed on a car
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
whose ass print is on the piano?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
