Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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