you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize