You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
