i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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