Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
