after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
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Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
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they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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