The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
