fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
