i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
