i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
