Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
