using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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