6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
