pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
