i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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