My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
