the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
