Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
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sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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