Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
