my vag is so smooth its legendary
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
