I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
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The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
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I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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