I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He passed out mid-signature
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Houston, we have a squirter
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
