No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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