Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
