we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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