she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
