Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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