never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
