i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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