i would punch a child for taco bell
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
