Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
