New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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