I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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