i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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