Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
