he wants to bone in the snuggie
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
