3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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