you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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