Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
