I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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