the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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