I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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