i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
