Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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