i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
