I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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