a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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