you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
