??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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