Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
