I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
