i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
