What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
where am i from again
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
