i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
