I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
