There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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