i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She's the barista slut.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
