you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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