talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
