dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
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