how can u be prego again
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
