party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can I color on your dick again?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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