I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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