He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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