i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it's like iHOP with fire
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
