I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize