If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
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I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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