your room smells of hookers.
And success
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
