seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
