the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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