was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
