Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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