If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He has the fingertips of a God
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