The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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