soooo we both peed the bed last night...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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